He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
