im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he just fucked me for my cheese..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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