I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she peed on how many people?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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