Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
