I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
