having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
