Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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