I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize