Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
