It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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