he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
