it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
