Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
