It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This is the high leading the old right now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
