covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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