i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
