Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
