**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he thought i was a dude.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
