Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Randomize
