On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize