You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
