did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
