So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
