you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
