i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
