remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
