Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize