So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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