I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
