I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize