Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
