No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
