Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
