i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
