is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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