Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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