Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
