This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
