How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize