my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize