I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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