No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my poor anus
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
