Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
pray to the hookup gods
If I die, sorry about rent.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
