Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Drunk is not a location!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
