Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
