too bad you live with your parents still
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
