Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
