pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
