I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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