I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize