His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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