My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Vodka?
Forever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
