I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
