I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
