You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
