New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
