I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Shame - the story of my life.
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