I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
