FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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