I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
