I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
