it was like his penis was on wheels.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize